Are you unhappy? This article may help to change that
Posted by Steve on January 2nd, 2011
I’ve noticed a trend in the articles I’ve been reading over the past few days – quite ‘by accident’ I might add. They’re articles that have popped up on my Twitter stream and I’ve chosen to read them. They’ve not specifically been about the subject of happiness – but they have all led me to believe that the answer to happiness lies within all of them. I’ll explain as I go along.
I’ve noticed this week, in my ‘analysis’ of other people – and myself – that many many people are quite unhappy a lot of the time. They’re angry, they’re frustrated, they’re fed up with a whole range of different things. But the core of it all, I believe, is over-expectation. Over expectation relating to what other people can do for us. People let us down because they send us somewhere we don’t want to go, or because they don’t do something on time, or perhaps they do it but they don’t do it the way we want it done. But the thing is, that’s not their fault. The over-expectation is ours – and most of the time we haven’t even communicated our expectations to them properly, and even if we have, it’s STILL not their fault when we over-react to our expectations not being fully met.
For example, last Friday was New Years Eve and as you may or may not know, I drive a Non-Emergency Ambulance for a living. We get sent to take non-urgent patients to appointments, home or sometimes for a transfer to a more suitable hospital. New Years Eve and I am working. We took a patient from her hospital to an ultrasound appointment and back. No big drama there, it was 1530 and we were told we could go home. Great news, we had friends over for the New Year celebration and I was going home early. We got half way home when we were called up for a transfer for the same patient to a more suitable hospital as the diagnosis from her ultrasound meant she needed care that couldn’t be given at the hospital she was in.
My ambo partner went off his head. Now I won’t lie and pretend I was happy with the request, it would mean we wouldn’t be home until 2100 on New Years Eve. But – and this is where I am actually quite pleased with myself for once – I soon realised that it wasn’t the fault of the hospital sending the patient. It wasn’t the fault of our dispatchers, nor our boss who overruled my ambo partner and said, essentially, ‘You will do the job’. It wasn’t the fault of the patient either – she didn’t choose to have a deep vein thrombosis of enormous proportions. The fault lay in my expectation of going home early. We’re contracted to provide service until 1900. It was only 1600, so naturally we should do the job. Once I realised this I was able to calm myself down, and my ambo partner and we could do the job graciously and provide the best patient care possible.
An article I read recently at The DadPad explains quite clearly the approach we need to take here. Expect less, love more. It’s a fantastic mantra to remember. The less you expect of people the less you’ll be disappointed. That doesn’t mean you stop asking people for help, or stop interacting in other’s lives at all. It means that when you ask them to do something you must be prepared for them to do it on their terms, in their time and their way. Don’t be upset when it’s done differently to how you would do it. That’s the whole point of everyone being different – things get done differently. Differently doesn’t mean worse, it’s simply different and you must adjust your expectations rather than expect them to adjust themselves.
Why would we want to do this? Well that’s quite easy to answer really. Have you ever tried to change someone? You can’t do it. You really can’t. Even simple things like putting the lid on the toothpaste or placing the toilet seat down after use is really difficult to make someone change their habit. But how much impact do these things really have on your life? Do they really have an impact or is your expectation of it being done that has the impact? In almost every case it will be your expectation that makes the difference. You can’t change someone else but you can change your expectation.
How do we change our expectation though?
It’s easy to say expect less, love more but how do we actually go about that? Well, for me I rely on Jesus Christ. I have to because I don’t have the strength to do it myself (Phillipians 4:13). I know my weakness and I ask Christ for his help when I recognise I am failing. That’s what I did on New Years Eve when my ambo partner was really quite angry and I could feel myself falling down the slippery slope of anger too. Pray, take time to speak to Jesus and perhaps think about the line that’s mentioned over and over in the DadPad article above. Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do. If Jesus can make that prayer on the cross, can we not make that prayer when someone asks us to be late home?
Why is this even important?
Well, that’s the other article I read over the weekend, by Tim McHyde over at escapeallthesethings.com. I really like the things Tim writes about and the way he writes them. He’s an ‘End Times’ analyst who explains why Jesus Christ won’t be returning in the current foreseeable future. But in the article I read over the weekend he explains why most Christians won’t be raptured (and how to make sure you are). For non-Christians reading this it may not make much sense and nor will you care about whether you’re going to be raptured or not. But I actually urge you to read the article anyway, because a lot of what is said in the article will help teach how to have your own personal escape from your current tribulations (and therefore make you happy now, rather than at the ‘End of the World’).
Tim’s point is that Jesus gave us but two commandments (and declared that all the other commandments are merely logical extensions of these). Those 2 commandments are (from Matthew, 22:36-40);
- Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command.
- The second is like it; Love your neighbour as yourself.
Let’s dissect that a little bit further. Genesis tells us that humans are created in the image of God. So many books of the bible tell us how much God loves us as His children. How can you love God if you don’t love His children? It’s so easy to say you love God but then treat His children (and your brothers/sisters) with utter disrespect. If you’re a parent, or a brother/sister to someone, ask yourself how you feel when someone disrespects your child/sister/brother. How do you feel? Do you think Jesus feels the same way towards you when you treat His children/brothers/sisters with disrespect?
Fortunately for us, Jesus can forgive them Father for the know not what they do. He demonstrated that on the cross. It’s just as well, because we’d all feel his wrath every time we get angry with someone who fails to meet our expectations.
And finally, how many times do you think you’ve failed to meet other people’s expectations? Do they forgive you? (You probably don’t know, because those that DO forgive you, do so quietly and without ceremony)!
If you can keep the two main commandments as shown above, you not only guarantee your place in heaven, you actually help bring a piece of heaven into your life through increased peace in your life. Don’t try to change others, try to see what they do for you as a gift each time. Don’t send their gifts back to them just because they’re not quite what you expected, accept their gift in the manner in which it is given and appreciate that someone has done something for you.
Live long and proper!